Television is back! I'm back! LIFE IS BACK!

Hi, no one! Or someone, maybe! I'm not going to assume you don't exist, because if you do exist, that'd be rude. Anyway, a new year of television is upon us, and this year I am going to attempt to actually utilize this thing in some meaningful ways, because it's getting crowded in my dumb, confused brain so I need some place to let my TV feelings roam free.

Although the official start of the TV season isn't until next week, Fox has decided that it likes us enough to treat us to all of their shows a week before the other networks. Also, they had a pretty shitty year last season, and are hoping that maybe they'll at least get a week to win by default. So far, it might be working, considering Sleepy Hollow surprised us all last night and became the highest-rated drama premiere on Fox in 6 years. So hey! Let's see what they had in store for us tonight.

Fox is trying once again to launch a two-hour comedy block this year, after last year's unsuccessful attempt that left poor Ben and Kate out to dry. New Girl and The Mindy Project remain in the 9:00 hour, but Fox is hoping the Seth MacFarlane live-action sitcom Dads (a sentence that sounds like it's trying to turn you away from television forever) and ensemble cop comedy Brooklyn Nine-Nine can help tighten up the ship. Can they? It's not up to me! I'm not a superfluous ratings measurement system that becomes less and less relevant with time. But I can tell you if these shows are worth you while.

Dads

I don't have much to say about this one. Okay, mostly because I didn't watch it. Look, I have some standards, alright? But really, if you've spent any time on the internet this summer, you should know exactly what to expect from this show. It's bad. Of course it's bad. Did you think it wasn't going to be bad? Well, it's bad. Okay? Now let's never speak of it again.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I wrote a bunch about this show for SitcomsOnline today! So you should go read that. If, for some reason, you don't, here's a summary - this is the an incredibly promising new show from an excellent bunch of cast and creators. For that alone, this seems like the best bet for a great new sitcom in quite a while. The pilot isn't amazing, but so few pilots are. The biggest problem with  it is that it isn't especially funny. But again - what pilots are? People often forget that their most beloved comedies didn't get off the ground running. The 30 Rock pilot had basically no laughs, the Parks & Rec pilot was a mess, the New Girl pilot was more or less "Zooey Deschanel being crazy for 22 minutes"...sure, once in a while you'll get an Arrested Development that kicks ass right from the start, but it's pretty rare. So while Brooklyn Nine-Nine's pilot isn't perfect, it's well-structured with plenty of great characterization. With a cast this good, that's enough to keep me very excited to see where it'll go next.

New Girl

I do not envy New Girl this season. Coming off of a highly acclaimed, universally beloved season is perhaps the hardest thing for a television show to do - the weight of expectations is almost impossible to match. Shows faced with this dilemma typically either choose to coast at the same speed and hope its supporters continue along for the ride (hello, Parks & Rec post-Season 3) or dial things up to 100 in an attempt to keep surprising its audience (that's you, Community Season 3!). Either of these methods is perfectly acceptable and can prevent the show from crashing and burning, but I personally prefer to watch the latter method, simply because I think it makes things a little more interesting. And while it's too soon to tell which road New Girl would take, all signs point to the second option after tonight's premiere. In a way, it has to take this route - the show changed its status quo so drastically by throwing Nick and Jess together at the end of Season 2 that there's no time for coasting. This is kind of an exciting prospect to me. New Girl could totally crash and burn this year, or it could balance everything perfectly and turn in another classic season of television. The fact that I have no idea which one it's going to be is a little scary, but it makes me incredibly excited to see what's in store for us in Apartment 4D this season. I will say that I thought this premiere was a step in the right direction - it made me laugh a lot, the Nick and Jess stuff was handled incredibly well, and I love that the show has made it clear that it's not going to sideline everyone else just to make room for their star couple. The only part of the premiere that I had problems with was Schmidt's storyline - love triangles are really just never interesting, and this one is no exception, particularly when that love triangle brings out the most irredeemable qualities in Schmidt. I hope that storyline wraps up sooner than later, whether it means Schmidt choosing CeCe or Elizabeth or the three of them forming the first polygamist relationship on network TV. Other than that, I'm all in.

The Mindy Project

The Mindy Project has gone through about four retools at this point, which is why it's weird that its biggest problems are the exact same problems that have been holding it back since it began. The show still has no likable or relatable characters, it's a strange mix of half-assed workplace sitcom and generic romantic comedy, and it has absolutely no point of view to speak of. In short, it's a total mess of a television program, one that has no consistent tone and seemingly no purpose, other than to be the internet's new favorite show and to book a bunch of cute boys for Mindy Kaling to kiss. What's worse is that the show is now seemingly content with this. There was a point in Season 1 where the show noticeably improved, and there was a wave of "look, it's gotten better!" support from critics and fans alike. While I never felt it improved into anything worthwhile, it was around this time that the show garnered a modest following and a bit more critical support (though not much). I guess it's decided to take that lukewarm reception and run with it, because at the start of its second season, the show seems perfectly content with its vapid mediocrity. There's a handful of decent jokes in tonight's premiere, and the writing itself remains somewhat clever. But there's absolutely no attempt to say anything remotely interesting or to progress its characters whatsoever. It's just a bunch of faceless characters exchanging snarky insults and occasionally kissing each other. That's enough for some people, I guess - but it's something I have absolutely no interest in, so I think this is where Mindy and I officially part ways. I maintain that there was a great show somewhere in that pilot last fall, but at this point, I have zero faith that great show is ever going to be discovered. 

So Fox's comedy block can best be described as a sandwich where the bread is really crumbly and gross, but the meat is delicious and some of the best around. That does not sound like a particularly good sandwich, but you can always take the meat out and just enjoy it by itself. Because you are a hard worker, and you deserve it.

"Now I know how webisodes feel" - Tuesday Comedy Clusterfuck 1/8/13

New year, same old Tuesday comedy clusterfuck. Well, now with added Cougar Town! So let's dig right into the ridiculously abundant comedy choices our friend television gave us tonight.

Ben and Kate started off the year a little below the high standards it set for itself in the fall, having one of those typical "off" episodes that tries to cram too much into one half-hour. The only plot that felt completely satisfying was the BJ sub-plot, which had her meet her mother and successfully add another comic layer to her already hilarious character. I always like when we meet a characters' parents for the first time and it all feels so natural that it actually seems like that character was shaped by whatever guest actor is dropping in to play their parent and not a room of writers, and Ben & Kate achieved that with the BJ plotline. The rest of the episode was...fine, and had some really great moments - particularly from Dakota Johnson, who is already nearing all-star levels. But the show was juggling so much - Ben's failed business prospects! Kate's insecurities as a single mother! Being happy with yourself! - that it never quite stuck the landing on any of it. All of these themes are viable directions for the characters and would've been better off in separate episodes, rather than being crammed into one. Still, an episode that ended with a fake newscast by Ben and BJ which included the line "the only safe squirrel is a dead squirrel" can't be all that bad.

New Girl kicked off 2013 in pretty strong fashion, though. "Cabin" was a solid showing of everything the show does well - excellent character moments, a handful of top-notch Nick Miller speeches, and subtlety impressive characterization. Really, the entire episode could've just been the two couples in the cabin getting drunk and acting ridiculous, and it would've been a quality half-hour of television. But, as has become typical with New Girl, the show yearns for something more, so "Cabin" was both hilarious and a clear set-up for upcoming character movement. The show in particular seems to be building towards some kind of revelation for Nick, trying to figure out what it is he truly wants. Clearly, what he wanted wasn't Angie, someone completely out of his comfort zone who he thought "pushed him forward" but really just confused both of them. Having the episode end with Nick, freshly dumped by Angie, not quite processing his break-up was an interesting choice, and one that sets up a lot of interesting territory for the next few episodes. But I would be lying if I said my favorite part of the episode wasn't B-plot - a delightfully cringe-worthy story about Schmidt demonstrating some hardcore reverse racism and trying to get Winston to "embrace his culture". It's not really a sweeping statement to say that the scene where Schmidt and Winston invite a man into their car and the three of them proceed to think they're robbing each other is the funniest TV scene of 2013 so far, but I feel like it might hold that title for a while.

Happy Endings had two offerings this week, one on Sunday and another one tonight. Why ABC is doing this is...not really as exciting as it seems, they just needed something to fill the hole 666 Park Avenue left and they happened to have unscheduled episodes of Happy Endings/Apartment 23. Anyway, Sunday's episode was Happy Endings at its playful best, throwing out two comfortingly wacky plotlines and watching its actors sell the hell out of them. I thought tonight's episode, though, was the show's weakest in quite a while. The fact that I still laughed pretty much through-out the entire thing goes to show just how consistently satisfying the show has been lately, but I thought the plots were all pretty dull and just never really came together. I was surprised, in particular, with how straight the show played the pretty generic pop star plot. Typically, Happy Endings will take a stock sitcom storyline and tweak it to fit their own outlandish style - like how Sunday's episode looked like it was going to have a groan-worthy "characters break something while their friend is away and try to fix it" plot, until said characters end up killing their friends' racist parrot in the process. But tonight's plotlines - especially the pop star one - were pretty much straight out of Sitcoms 101. The exception would probably be Max's plotline, which did a typically great job of subverting a lot of gay stereotypes to tell a weirdly meaningful and simultaneously bizarre story about Max's sexuality. The other two had plenty of laughs, but ultimately lacked that spark that makes for a truly great Happy Endings.

Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 has been seriously fucked over by ABC's weird scheduling decisions. After Sunday's episode put June in a new job and had Mark almost ready to admit his feelings for her, tonight's episode - a holdover from Season 1 - hit the reset button and put her back in the coffee shop while Mark just started to realize he had any feelings for June. Despite all that, both of this week's episodes of the show were really good, demonstrating the show's impressive ability to put together an incredibly ridiculously and cartoonish half-hour and still somehow make us care about the characters in them. In fact, if you take tonight's episode and stack it up against Sunday's (produced much later) episode, you can see how much the characters have grown over the course of the show's run - particularly June, who's gone from a Chuckie Finster "I don't know if that's such a good ideaaaa, Chloe" type to someone who can be just as cunning as Chloe herself, in her own way. I mean, tonight's episode had her desperately trying to win the love and respect of her neighbors, while Sunday's episode had her stabbing her nemesis at work. That's some excellent character work. Maybe one day we'll get to see in the order it was supposed to happen.

I don't even really have anything to say about The Mindy Project anymore, other than the usual "it should be so much better" type of stuff that everyone on the internet is already saying. At this point, it just feels like the show is about absolutely nothing - the plots are all meaningless, just about every character other than Mindy, Danny, and maybe Morgan is totally disposable, and the show doesn't even really have a central focus other than "Mindy's a mess" anymore. Tonight's episode could have been a nice story about Mindy's relationship with her brother, and it could've provided us with some nice-needed characterization for the show's problematic lead character. Instead, it...ended with a broad and not all that funny rap number where Mindy had to stand in for her brother's back-up singer and sing dirty lines to him, and...that was it. The show has just added two more great comedy writers to its staff - 30 Rock alumni Jack Burditt and Tracey Wingfield. Let's hope they can get this show on track. I mean, no one else could, but...

Oh, and I also watched the cable premiere of Cougar Town. I've only sporadically watched the show, but I did watch the premiere and I enjoyed it quite a bit. It's one of those shows on my backlog to catch up with, and I'm hoping to do so as soon as possible. I'm planning on writing something about what the show's move to cable could potentially mean for the broadcast sitcom soon, so I'll talk about it a little more in-depth there, if it happens!

Tuesday Comedy Clusterfuck 12/4

So for some reason, the networks decided they were going to throw all of their good (or, in NBC's case, trying too hard to be good) comedies on the same night because...I don't know, why the fuck not? That's made Tuesday into a gigantic comedy clusterfuck. Tuesdays include a whole lot of the very best comedy that network television is churning out right now (and, on NBC, some of the worst). So in this post, I'll run through each show (that I watch) and offer you my inspiring thoughts on each of these programs that air on the televisions.

(Note: I usually don't watch Raising Hope because even though I like it, I need a fucking break at sometime during this n ight. I also don't watch the NBC comedies because, if you can't tell from my previous passive aggressive comments, I think that they suck).

Let's start off with Ben and Kate, which is pretty easily the best new comedy this season and arguably the only one really worth a damn. Its tepid ratings suggest it may not be long for this world, but right now I don't want to think about that, and I just want to enjoy the misadventures of these wonderful weirdos for a half-hour every week. Actually, tonight's episode was sort of about just how weird all of the people in Kate's life are, and although I thought that was a flimsy excuse for her to break up with the guy whose name I can't remember (I'm sorry, I just can't keep track of all of these vanilla temporary love interests peppered through various sitcoms), it was a nice way of kind of tying together the ensemble and showing just how important they are to Kate. I also really enjoy the BJ/Tommy interaction in this episode. It's gotten to the point where basically anything BJ says is going to make me laugh out loud for several minutes, and she said a lot of things in this episode, so I was happy. This show has really found its groove rather quickly - I can't remember the last time a show was firing on all cylinders a mere nine episodes in. (Well, maybe Apartment 23 this season, actually, but whatever, before that). I keep praying for a ratings miracle with this show because it really seems like the type of show that could stick around for a long time and not wear out its welcome. It's just so pleasant, and very low-key while still being funny and entertaining, which a lot of shows that try for that down-to-earth, conversational style forget to be. Seriously, if you like comedy and you aren't watching it, watch it! I don't care how weird Nat Faxon's teeth look, the dude's hilarious.

New Girl has become a reliable powerhouse this season, churning out excellent episodes pretty much every week. "Bathtub" wasn't quite on the levels of the best of this season, like last week's "Eggs" or "Menzies" from a few weeks ago, but it was still an episode I really enjoyed on the whole. I particularly liked seeing Jess and Winston sharing a storyline together, even if it got a little typical sitcommy at points, but Zooey Deschanel and Lamorne Morris were clearly having a lot of fun with the material which really sold it and made it really entertaining. It also provided a nice contrast to the surprisingly heartwrenching Schmidt/CeCe plot. I was unsure of how the show was handling the CeCe/Schmidt break-up early on, but I like how they seem to be building to getting them both to a point where they realize they both need each other. It'll make their reunion feel earned rather than typical sitcom will they/won't they schmuck. (Can I use that word?). Nick's plot was also pretty entertaining (can a Nick Miller plot ever be less than at least pretty entertaining?) and having his crush turn out to be a stripper was kind of an interesting test for the character. While I like Olivia Munn far less than Lizzy Caplan, let's hope her character can do just as many good things for the show as Caplan's did. I also liked the return of perverted landlord Remmy. Yay for universe expansion! I'm just really enjoying the fuck out of New Girl right now. Never change, friend.

The Mindy Project, on the other hand, was...fine. I don't know, I'm just really not being drawn into at all, and I can't say this episode did much to change that. There was nothing particularly bad about it, and I chuckled a lot through-out the episode, but the whole thing still feels weirdly unfocused for a show so early in its run. This episode was about Mindy trying to balance her home life and her work life, but really, we've hardly seen any of her home life, so who cares? The show has a bad habit of trying to get us to give a shit but never actually taking the steps required to get us to give a shit. That said, the office dynamic worked better for me in this episode. The generally useless assistants got some funny lines, and the Jeremy/Danny/Mindy dynamic was well-done. I see plenty of inklings of a good show here, but the show really needs to sit down and realize exactly what it wants to be, because right now it's a mildly amusing jumbled mess.

And now on to the ABC side of the equation...

Tonight's Happy Endings might have been my favorite episode of the season so far. As much as I appreciate it when it tries to do something experimental and play with its format a bit like it did in the last episode, I always enjoy it the most when it just buckles down and does a lot of silly shit. When Happy Endings is going all out with its playfulness, there's nothing quite like it on TV. I love just sitting down and having no idea what weird place any of these plotlines are going to go - who would've known that the seemingly generic "Jane tries to be one of the guys" story would turn into Brad becoming a trophy wife and buying an obnoxious pig? (This show is a big fan of impromptu animal purchases. First Alex's parrot, now this). Penny's guy-of-the-week plotline was once again great if for no other reason than the fact that it was an excuse for Casey Wilson to do a bunch of perfect physical comedy, and I like that the show is making Dave a more interesting character by essential having him lose his mind. Happy Endings is never going to be a particularly deep show or one that takes its characters very seriously, but damn if it isn't the most fun show to watch right now. The recent news that ABC is pulling it from the schedule in March seriously depresses me, and I hope it can pull a Cougar Town and save itself somehow because my life will be sadder without its servings of pure insanity every week.

Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 - or simply Apartment 23, or as I prefer to call it, "Bitch 23", had a Season 1 holdover on tap for tonight. It was pretty obvious that it was a Season 1 holdover considering it featured that unnecessary stalker girl that we haven't seen at all this year, and it seemed a little less polished than the show's other offerings this season. Still, it was pretty funny, even if it was one of the show's weaker outings thus far. The sequence in the beginning that showed Chloe and June's routines on fast-forward was the highlight of the episode, though there were plenty of good gags through-out. My main issue with the episode was the plot, which came across as rushed and even slightly out of character for June. This show may have the tendency to go dark, but this episode may have been a step too far. I have to say though, after watching a handful of episodes of American Dad recently, it's interesting just how much this show plays as a live-action version of that one, and I mean that in the best way possible (I mean, American Dad's a pretty excellent cartoon). Chloe has so many similarities to Roger that it's uncanny, and June is kind of like Francine, seemingly well put together on the outside but just as horrible as everyone else on the inside. So while tonight was far from the show at its best, I'm still enjoying just how weird this show is willing to go every week. This is another show whose future is looking pretty grim, so I guess I'm just going to have to enjoy its insanity while I can. Again, if you aren't watching this and you enjoy comedy, you should watch it, as it is fantastic.

Geez, this took a long time. Make smarter scheduling decisions, networks.