If Thursday nights are a reminder of everything that is good in the world, Friday mornings are a reminder of everything that is terrible. Week after week, comedy lovers sit and mourn as they watch their beloved NBC line-up get demolished by CBS's The Big Bang Theory and whatever shit they're putting after The Big Bang Theory at the time. It's a stark reminder that the world is cruel, that the public rejects everything you love, and that there is almost zero hope for the future of the human race.
So, yay! Let's go!
Alright, just look at the numbers for fucking The Big Bang Theory (5.5, 17.25 million). Just fucking look at them! The sad thing is those numbers are actually a somewhat specific drop from its previous airing, and yet it still outdid every show on TV that aired in the past week. By contrast, look at the minuscule numbers for the most important wedding in the history of television on 30 Rock (1.3, 3.61 million). If that isn't proof that the human race is a waste of time, then what is? 30 Rock was also beat by The X Factor (2.7, 8.32 million) and The Vampire Diaries (1.4, 2.86 million). Yes, a CW show. More people watched The CW than 30 Rock. It did, however, outrank the just-cancelled Last Resort (1.0, 5.20 million), so uh...there's that.
At 8:30, Two and a Half Men (4.0, 13.74 million) didn't come close to Big Bang numbers but still handily beat everything else in the half-hour, including Up All Night (1.2, 2.97 million). But more people are probably going to tune into that once NBC adds a laugh-track to it for no reason, why? I mean, definitely. How could NBC go wrong? They peacock comedy.
The 9:00 PM hour should really be renamed "shows people apparently still watch", as Grey's Anatomy (3.1, 8.95 million), Glee (2.2, 5.39 million), and The Office (1.9, 3.88 million) all posed numbers far less than what they were doing at their peaks, although all are still fairly respectable, with Grey's representing the far high end of respectable and The Office representing the low end. There's also Person of Interest (2.9, 14.43 million), which does fine but isn't really CSI-ing it up like CBS probably wants it to, and Beauty and the Beast (0.6, 1.52 million), which allows The CW to return to shockingly awful status, where it is most comfortable. At 9:30, Parks and Recreation (1.4, 2.99 million) concerningly dropped a large amount from its last airing to pose its lowest result ever. I don't think we need to worry about it yet or anything, but I would hope this is a one-time thing.
Rounding it out, the 10 PM hour, which randomly has been posing pretty low numbers all-around this season, saw a tie for first between Elementary (2.2, 10.46 million) and Scandal (2.2, 6.64 million). There was also Rock Center (0.9, 3.45 million), which...did not tie for first. I would guess CBS has to be pretty disappointed in Elementary's numbers, but they seem to have a lot of faith in it (it's getting the coveted post-Superbowl slot) and it's actually their highest rated new show this year, so I don't expect it to go anywhere.
So there you have it. Everything sucks and everyone you meet is probably terrible because they might be contributing to this. Happy Holidays!
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Ratings (aka why life is meaningless): Wednesday, November 28, 2012
So for some reason, maybe because I secretly hate myself and enjoy being sad, I like to track television ratings, which are basically comprised by a very professional system of the "guess and check" system of math. (Is that a thing? They taught us in like 3rd grade. It might not have actually been real).
Ratings teach us three things: 1) You are weird and different than everyone else. 2) People hate mostly everything. 3) Everything you love can be transformed into nothing but a meaningless, soulless number.
So let's dig in!
Last night was a special night for me because I didn't really give a shit about anything on network TV - well except for Suburgatory, but that airs after Modern Family, so who cares? - so I could just read the ratings report without having to worry about contemplating the end of my life. Unsurprisingly, most of the country decided the only thing they wanted to watch was Modern Family (4.7, 12.01 million viewers), and some of them forgot to turn off their TV and also left on Suburgatory (2.5, 6.73 million viewers). The weird thing is that Happy Endings actually did a lot better in that "we're too lazy to grab the remote" timeslot last year, usually getting near a 3.0 in the demo while Modern Family was doing similar numbers to what it is now. Which means there was really no reason to send it off to Tuesday Island with the skeletons of Dancing With the Stars and Private Practice. Fuckin' ABC.
Unless you care about The X Factor (2.9, 8.20 million viewers), which you don't because you aren't Simon Cowell, the only other thing on network that wasn't a Christmas special was CBS's line-up, whose ratings are always a wonderful way to see what your parents are going to try to get you to watch soon. Survivor (2.7, 10.37 million viewers), Criminal Minds (2.9, 12.37 million viewers), and CSI (2.6, 12.11 million viewers), showed the very CBS-like trend of pulling in a massive amount of viewers but a less massive amount of viewers that networks actually care about (18 to 49 year olds).
Over to the Christmas specials, America proved they like things that are nice but only if they are 50 years old - A Charlie Brown Christmas (2.9, 8.85 million viewers) pulled in very respectable numbers - higher than what The Middle and The Neighbors usually do in the same slot. And people are way more into watching a bunch of people sing while a bunch of other people light up a Christmas tree than the comedy stylings of Whitney Cummings, as the tree lighting ceremony pulled in a 2.1 demo and 9.14 million viewers, much higher than what Whitney and Guys with Kids have been pulling in the slot. That led to an SNL Christmas Special (2.7, 7.36 million viewers) being the rare show that everyone on Tumblr and people in real life were watching.
So there you have it. Last night's ratings. Not too suicide-inducing, right? Don't worry, tomorrow we'll get Thursday ratings. Hide your pills!
Ratings teach us three things: 1) You are weird and different than everyone else. 2) People hate mostly everything. 3) Everything you love can be transformed into nothing but a meaningless, soulless number.
So let's dig in!
Last night was a special night for me because I didn't really give a shit about anything on network TV - well except for Suburgatory, but that airs after Modern Family, so who cares? - so I could just read the ratings report without having to worry about contemplating the end of my life. Unsurprisingly, most of the country decided the only thing they wanted to watch was Modern Family (4.7, 12.01 million viewers), and some of them forgot to turn off their TV and also left on Suburgatory (2.5, 6.73 million viewers). The weird thing is that Happy Endings actually did a lot better in that "we're too lazy to grab the remote" timeslot last year, usually getting near a 3.0 in the demo while Modern Family was doing similar numbers to what it is now. Which means there was really no reason to send it off to Tuesday Island with the skeletons of Dancing With the Stars and Private Practice. Fuckin' ABC.
Unless you care about The X Factor (2.9, 8.20 million viewers), which you don't because you aren't Simon Cowell, the only other thing on network that wasn't a Christmas special was CBS's line-up, whose ratings are always a wonderful way to see what your parents are going to try to get you to watch soon. Survivor (2.7, 10.37 million viewers), Criminal Minds (2.9, 12.37 million viewers), and CSI (2.6, 12.11 million viewers), showed the very CBS-like trend of pulling in a massive amount of viewers but a less massive amount of viewers that networks actually care about (18 to 49 year olds).
Over to the Christmas specials, America proved they like things that are nice but only if they are 50 years old - A Charlie Brown Christmas (2.9, 8.85 million viewers) pulled in very respectable numbers - higher than what The Middle and The Neighbors usually do in the same slot. And people are way more into watching a bunch of people sing while a bunch of other people light up a Christmas tree than the comedy stylings of Whitney Cummings, as the tree lighting ceremony pulled in a 2.1 demo and 9.14 million viewers, much higher than what Whitney and Guys with Kids have been pulling in the slot. That led to an SNL Christmas Special (2.7, 7.36 million viewers) being the rare show that everyone on Tumblr and people in real life were watching.
So there you have it. Last night's ratings. Not too suicide-inducing, right? Don't worry, tomorrow we'll get Thursday ratings. Hide your pills!
Meanwhile, in TV land
Up All Night - Remember when I watched Up All Night for reasons other than because I didn't feel like turning off the TV? I don't, really. It was so long ago. Anyway, when did this show become so horrible? I mean, it was always bland, but it's sort of actively bad now, like everyone on it has just totally given up. Which makes sense, but still. Has there ever been a bigger waste of talent than this show? The Mindy Project seems to be trying hard to top it, but I'm not confident it will get there.
The Office - I didn't really watch this, but I did notice that the tag was Dwight making some pretty awful jokes about gay people. Please tell me it was just a dumb tag thing and this show is not actually like this all of the time now.
Parks & Recreation - Oh, look, a show I actually enjoyed and care about! Parks & Rec has sort of fallen to that point where it's no longer the show I look forward to the most every week, but I can rely on it for being a genuinely enjoyable 30 minutes of my time every Thursday. This episode continued that streak, being a very pleasant, occasionally extremely funny, and just all-around fun episode of television. They haven't really hit it out of the park at all this season (aside from the excellent "Halloween Surprise" which can certainly sit with the best of the best), but I'm enjoying it quite a bit every week, and I think overall I'm liking it more than I did at the end of last season, when the kind of inconsistent campaign act was starting to cannibalize the entire show for me. In particular, I really loved April and Andy in this episode. It reminded me a lot of that initial spark their relationship had back in Season 2, and damn it, I just can't help but smile pretty much every time they are on screen together. The show also deserves some major props for getting the Tom character back on track after he had a bit of an aimless, shaky time last season. All-in-all, keep doin' what you're doin', Parks & Rec.
Here are some shows I did not watch but want to snark on anyway:
The Big Bang Theory - Apparently they did an episode about a parking spot tonight. That was the whole episode. It will get 15 million viewers. Good job, America.
Two and a Half Men - I never thought I'd feel bad for Miley Cyrus, but...
Glee - God, is anyone still watching this show? I hope not. Apparently they just did a Grease episode. How did that not happen in like, episode three?
The Office - I didn't really watch this, but I did notice that the tag was Dwight making some pretty awful jokes about gay people. Please tell me it was just a dumb tag thing and this show is not actually like this all of the time now.
Parks & Recreation - Oh, look, a show I actually enjoyed and care about! Parks & Rec has sort of fallen to that point where it's no longer the show I look forward to the most every week, but I can rely on it for being a genuinely enjoyable 30 minutes of my time every Thursday. This episode continued that streak, being a very pleasant, occasionally extremely funny, and just all-around fun episode of television. They haven't really hit it out of the park at all this season (aside from the excellent "Halloween Surprise" which can certainly sit with the best of the best), but I'm enjoying it quite a bit every week, and I think overall I'm liking it more than I did at the end of last season, when the kind of inconsistent campaign act was starting to cannibalize the entire show for me. In particular, I really loved April and Andy in this episode. It reminded me a lot of that initial spark their relationship had back in Season 2, and damn it, I just can't help but smile pretty much every time they are on screen together. The show also deserves some major props for getting the Tom character back on track after he had a bit of an aimless, shaky time last season. All-in-all, keep doin' what you're doin', Parks & Rec.
Here are some shows I did not watch but want to snark on anyway:
The Big Bang Theory - Apparently they did an episode about a parking spot tonight. That was the whole episode. It will get 15 million viewers. Good job, America.
Two and a Half Men - I never thought I'd feel bad for Miley Cyrus, but...
Glee - God, is anyone still watching this show? I hope not. Apparently they just did a Grease episode. How did that not happen in like, episode three?
30 Rock - "Mazel Tov, Dummies"
So for anyone who knows me even a little bit, you know that 30 Rock sort of changed my life. That's a weird thing to say about a show that, just tonight, had a joke about a character that wiped their ass with a wedding dress because they ate too much seven-layer-dip. But I discovered 30 Rock at the ripe, impressionable age of 13, back when the most notable thing about it was that it wasn't Studio 60. I watched it go from a show only my friend watched because she had a lady crush on Tina Fey into the most acclaimed comedy on TV. And watching those early 30 Rock days, watching it proudly put some of the most beautifully bizarre comedy I had ever seen up on display - from Paul Reubens playing a deformed inbred prince, to Rachel Dratch running around in a blue costume that only Tracy Jordan could see, to responding to NBC's "Green Week" orders by having a verbally abusive character named Greenzo run around and harass everyone about global warning, had more of an effect on me then I had realized. It was my introduction into the world of comedy, into a world where all of those weird thoughts that go through your head can somehow not only make sense but turn into things that other people might actually watch and enjoy. So over the years, I've become attached to the 30 Rock characters, to the universe it's created. Sure, some younger, shinier shows have come along - maybe Parks & Recreation takes its characters a little more seriously, maybe Community takes the experimental vibe of 30 Rock and kicks it up even higher - but 30 Rock will always have a special place in my heart as the show that introduced me to it all.
So needless to say, I looked forward to the perhaps overhyped Liz Lemon "WEDDING SPECTACULAR!!!" as if it was someone in my own family getting married. Liz Lemon's journey to happiness has been the theme that strung 30 Rock together through the years, the central focus that's kept the show on its feet despite veering into legitimate cartoon territory every now and then. 30 Rock may not be as interested in its characters story arcs as Community or Parks & Recreation, but it has been carefully constructing a slow build into some sort of endgame for Liz Lemon since pretty much the beginning. When the series started, we saw Liz Lemon slumming it with Dennis Duffy, a hilarious but highly flawed guy who she stayed with because it was easy and he was very good at buying her food. Liz Lemon dumping Dennis Duffy back in early Season 1 was a significant step for her character - it showed that she wasn't content with settling down with a Dateline predator (sorry, exonerated Dateline predator) and kicked off her search for something more.
But it wasn't all uphill from there. The bulk of the series thereafter was focused mostly on a string of mishaps, bad dates, and romantic failures. There was Floyd, who left her for the city of Cleveland. There was the time she bought a $4000 ham napkin that was supposed to be a wedding dress (also the aforementioned seven-layer-dip wiper). And then there was...well, Season 4, which was a season almost completely devoted to watching Liz Lemon get knocked down over and over again. The show's been criticized for being too harsh on its protagonist at times, but I was always pretty forgiving of the show in that department, as it's always been clear to me they were going to give her what she wanted in the end. She just had to fight for it, to make it all that much more rewarding. And now here we are, halfway into the show's final season, as she's finally getting what she wants. The show's actually had Liz in a happy place since the beginning of last season - Criss, unlike her previous lovers, seems here to stay, and is actually someone the writers clearly designed to be her companion, rather than someone whose primary goal is to serve up laughs. (I still love you, though, Wesley Snipes). Finally, all of the years of ham napkins and Anna Howard Shaw Day and Emily Dickinson the Cat are behind her. Liz Lemon is happy!
But what really makes this an excellent conclusion to Liz Lemon's "quest for love" is the way it's executed. The show could've done a big, traditional wedding episode like so many other shows have done. It could've done a two-parter where Liz decides she's "JUST NOT READY!!!!" for no apparent reason and decides to bungee jump into a tomato truck to escape her feelings. (Bonus points if you can figure out what show that's from! Or maybe negative points!). But that wouldn't be 30 Rock. That wouldn't be Liz Lemon. Liz Lemon isn't the type of person to make a big deal about her wedding. Liz Lemon is the type who wants to make a big deal about her wedding, but is convinced she shouldn't and tries to sneak it in without anyone noticing. And the show just nails that. It gets everything right about her wedding - it's a weird hybrid of a half-assed city hall event and a big-ass ceremony, just like Liz Lemon's mind wants it. And it lets her feel like the "princess" she wants to be without forcing her to be like...every other princess. (Seriously, how fucking perfect is her dressing like Princess Leia for her wedding?) It's the exact bizarre, abnormal and yet strangely sweet conclusion to the story of Liz Lemon's Quest for Love that we've been waiting for since the day we watched Dennis Duffy's episode of To Catch a Predator. And as we see Liz Lemon give Criss his wedding grillz as Dennis stands behind her, signifying how far she's come since the days when it was almost him standing across from her at the alter, suddenly all of those years of The Hair and Liz Lemler and Wesley Snipes seem...worth it.
Also, this episode had Dr. Spaceman. Automatic A+.
So needless to say, I looked forward to the perhaps overhyped Liz Lemon "WEDDING SPECTACULAR!!!" as if it was someone in my own family getting married. Liz Lemon's journey to happiness has been the theme that strung 30 Rock together through the years, the central focus that's kept the show on its feet despite veering into legitimate cartoon territory every now and then. 30 Rock may not be as interested in its characters story arcs as Community or Parks & Recreation, but it has been carefully constructing a slow build into some sort of endgame for Liz Lemon since pretty much the beginning. When the series started, we saw Liz Lemon slumming it with Dennis Duffy, a hilarious but highly flawed guy who she stayed with because it was easy and he was very good at buying her food. Liz Lemon dumping Dennis Duffy back in early Season 1 was a significant step for her character - it showed that she wasn't content with settling down with a Dateline predator (sorry, exonerated Dateline predator) and kicked off her search for something more.
But it wasn't all uphill from there. The bulk of the series thereafter was focused mostly on a string of mishaps, bad dates, and romantic failures. There was Floyd, who left her for the city of Cleveland. There was the time she bought a $4000 ham napkin that was supposed to be a wedding dress (also the aforementioned seven-layer-dip wiper). And then there was...well, Season 4, which was a season almost completely devoted to watching Liz Lemon get knocked down over and over again. The show's been criticized for being too harsh on its protagonist at times, but I was always pretty forgiving of the show in that department, as it's always been clear to me they were going to give her what she wanted in the end. She just had to fight for it, to make it all that much more rewarding. And now here we are, halfway into the show's final season, as she's finally getting what she wants. The show's actually had Liz in a happy place since the beginning of last season - Criss, unlike her previous lovers, seems here to stay, and is actually someone the writers clearly designed to be her companion, rather than someone whose primary goal is to serve up laughs. (I still love you, though, Wesley Snipes). Finally, all of the years of ham napkins and Anna Howard Shaw Day and Emily Dickinson the Cat are behind her. Liz Lemon is happy!
But what really makes this an excellent conclusion to Liz Lemon's "quest for love" is the way it's executed. The show could've done a big, traditional wedding episode like so many other shows have done. It could've done a two-parter where Liz decides she's "JUST NOT READY!!!!" for no apparent reason and decides to bungee jump into a tomato truck to escape her feelings. (Bonus points if you can figure out what show that's from! Or maybe negative points!). But that wouldn't be 30 Rock. That wouldn't be Liz Lemon. Liz Lemon isn't the type of person to make a big deal about her wedding. Liz Lemon is the type who wants to make a big deal about her wedding, but is convinced she shouldn't and tries to sneak it in without anyone noticing. And the show just nails that. It gets everything right about her wedding - it's a weird hybrid of a half-assed city hall event and a big-ass ceremony, just like Liz Lemon's mind wants it. And it lets her feel like the "princess" she wants to be without forcing her to be like...every other princess. (Seriously, how fucking perfect is her dressing like Princess Leia for her wedding?) It's the exact bizarre, abnormal and yet strangely sweet conclusion to the story of Liz Lemon's Quest for Love that we've been waiting for since the day we watched Dennis Duffy's episode of To Catch a Predator. And as we see Liz Lemon give Criss his wedding grillz as Dennis stands behind her, signifying how far she's come since the days when it was almost him standing across from her at the alter, suddenly all of those years of The Hair and Liz Lemler and Wesley Snipes seem...worth it.
Also, this episode had Dr. Spaceman. Automatic A+.
Hi!
Hi everyone! My name is Vincent. I am a 19 year old college student from New Jersey. I have things to say about comedic television. Here they are!
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