The Mysteries of Laura is one of the most hilariously misguided shows to premiere in several years. The entire show plays like a drama straight out of 1991 and even then, it would've been slammed as "overly dated" and "about 30 years too late." It seems enamored with the fact that a WOMAN CAN BE A COP and ALSO BE A MOM, as if WOMEN ARE SIMPLE-MINDED CREATURES THAT CAN ONLY FOCUS ON ONE THING USUALLY BUT NOT LAURA SHE'S THE MASTER OF THE ENTIRE WORLD SHE HUNTS BAD GUYS WHILE HER CAR IS FILLED WITH KID SNACKS AND COLORING BOOKS!!!! There is a line where a character literally says, "wow, a real middle-aged female cop, just like on TV!", and I don't think it's even really meant as a joke. This is a show that seriously finds the idea that a woman can be a police officer and have children to be revolutionary and unheard of. Hell, it seems fascinated that Laura even has a job, constantly reminding us how difficult it is for a working woman to find a place to watch her two out of control and probably deeply mentally ill sons while she's at the office hunting bad guys!
But The Mysteries of Laura is not just tone deaf about the social issues it's convinced it's solving. It's also one of the most unrealistic cop dramas I've ever seen, making the adventures of Scooby-Doo seem like a gritty police documentary. Now, I am not a police officer, but I am pretty sure that typically the police don't exchange quirky dialogue with a perp that is holding someone at gunpoint. I'm also pretty sure that the NYPD isn't allowed to just go solve crime in other towns, and I'm pretty sure that the go-to strategy for investigating someone who is receiving death threats isn't "go to their mansion and eat cake with them." But what's especially disturbing about the shows' portrayal of police work is the way it clashes with the light-hearted tone it's trying desperately to invoke, to the point where the show opens with a scene where someone is shot in the face while holding a hostage and quirky music is playing in the background. There's even an extended gag about Laura wiping the perp's blood off of their hostages face, and it's played off as a wacky moment of slapstick comedy. "Boy, my life sure is a whirlwind! I'm either washing crayon off of the walls or I'm wiping the blood of the human I just murdered off of another humans' face!".
Nearly every character on The Mysteries of Laura is an unrealistic prototype, from Laura the Crazy Type A Mom Who Somehow Juggles A Job And Children Which No One Has Ever Done Before Ever How Does She Survive When Target Closes At 11 to her sleazy ex-husband (I don't understand why my wife is so upset with the fact that I cheated on her and refuse to leave her house!) to her deeply troubled and likely future serial killer children (I'm calling it now, the series finale is her grown children murdering someone and Laura having to decide whether to shoot them in the face or not) and even to her jealous co-worker, who doesn't get how Laura manages to have it all so she makes angry faces at her and insults her clothing, because if there's one thing women hate, it's watching their gender succeed, am I right ladies?!
If you really must, watch the pilot of Mysteries of Laura simply for the cringe factor, because this is such a disastrous piece of television that it is kind of worth watching just to see how bad it gets. But after that...I beg you, people of America (or at least the three of you reading this blog right now), burn this show. Burn it straight to the ground. Okay, that's a little dramatic. Maybe just don't watch it. Please, please don't watch it.
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